hmm..
why do i feel blue sometimes? feeling light blue now.. so sianz.. think it must be the tiring wed and thurs 12 hours work day, plus yesterday 16 hours work..
wonder why am i so tired about work? am i feeling older or is it that i am not interested in my work anymore?
then what am i interested in?
building a family?
seems scary.. seems not realisable yet..
sigh..
ok.. be happy. sisterhood is back from australia.. rejoice!!
=D
Friday, June 27, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Mount Kinabalu
it started when mk jio me to join his colleagues to mount k... and what's my reply? of cos onz lah! so we started with a series of training at bt timah.. appetiser, salad, hamburger, dessert.. these are all acronyms given by the BOAC trainer to mount bt. timah series of stairs... session one - 2x, 1x, 1x, 1x session two - 2x, 2x, 2x,1x.. i did about 4 to 5 trainings? and i thought i was prepared for mt k.
day 1
- met at maris stella pri gate, waited for long time for transport and when it finally arrived, the drivers said that they were waiting at the wrong side of the school, luckily they past by the road that we were at. then next the long queue at causeway of cos! hehe..
by the time we reached senai airport in m'sia... and transport to lodging.. dinner... it was already close to midnight and hence, it was time to turn in! but gosh... i was so excited that i could not really sleep.. think only slept for 3 hours.. (oh yes! forgot to mentioned that my luggage weighed the most! 13kg..keke...)
day 2
- on the way to base of mt k where we would start our climbing! rm3 walking stick; contemplated to buy.. end up? didn't buy; wanted to test my own fitness..
the walk was really senic! nice flora.. nice waterfall (2 of them)... nice weather... we climb and enjoyed the view. we have taken the mesilau trail which enlun's friend said is merciless lau tui... was wondering why he said that. it trail stretches to the west; meet a a junction with the tempihon trail and then we have to head northwards to the resthouse at laban rata. often, i asked the guide, benjon, "are we reaching?"... and he had the same expression - smile and said,"don't ask.." i could not really comprehend what he meant at that time..
it was a long climb.. we never really seem to be nearing laban rata.. everytime i asked "where are we?", i get the reply that there are more than half the journey and the entire journey is 8km!... Nevertheless, I tried to perk the group up (that includes me!) by singing and also... encouraging them that we are approaching.. =D
carol was too tired to carry her bag, she rested as we go along. many were complaining already... oops
there came a point of time when benjon said that audrey had to hit laban rata first cos the restaurant closes at 7.30pm. We were supposed to reach at 4.30pm.. but we didnt really seem to be able to reach there on time. Audrey went and of cos, me too! We had a task-to reach laban rata to order dinner for the rest. We climbed and climbed. and gosh... it started to rain! (regret taking out the rain coat when there was a passing cloud) it was so cold and we were all tired. we walked and climbed fast with all our might and we found a hut! yeah.. hurried to wear more clothings.. and i was stuffing myself with bread and fed the rest so that we would be warm. sydney started shivering and i gave her my chillis thermal. wrapped jac up in the poncho bought only the night before (thank God they bought it!) mk caught up.. the rest too..
We decided that we need to continue. I was first, then audrey took over, then syndey came along, then jac caught up too! gradually, i became more exhausted... the water that seeped into my hiking boots made the climb even more uncomfortable. eventually, i was on my fours... sobz.. started with only 2 while the rest have 3.. now i have to be on fours.. haha... the rain was heavily then before and i prayed to God for the rain to stop. It did! but not for long.. the drizzle came on again.. it was God's plan.. cos that made me carry on and not stop. =D
the path was rockier and steeper than before. my fingers were numbed from the climb and the coldness.. gosh.. the night was crawled in and the road in front of me was dim. when am i going to reach? i can't seem to see my destination... i thought i hear people talking..hmm.. maybe hallucination.
there was a moment! i saw light! it was small but i saw it! yeah! i should have reached. but wait.. why is the light so tiny? oh.. never mind... it is a light, alright! i bucked up my courage and climbed harder. stopping every few steps to pant and grasp for air. I was happy that I was approaching the source of light.
When I reached, I was happy that I see people but I was dismayed too-cos it was merely a hut which does not look like the place that we were supposed to stay. with my limited malay, i tried to converse with the locals. orang tiga, pergi atas? and the reply was lengthy and sounded profound. i waved and said never mind. I needed some rest. pergi how many minute? jalan kiri, kanna pusing.. 5 mins they said! well.. in my mind - i knew that it should be more than that. hehe... alright, i didn't want to wait and i shall go for it! i said terima kersih and i turned and walked towards the back of the hut. I stopped. It was total darkness. I turned back to the hut. lampu lampu.. haha... i needed light. Thank God that I have carried it in my bag, instead of leaving it with the guide/porter, benjon (to think that we have combined our load to 18kg)...
with hope, i climbed, i would be happy to find the 3 of them. when i finally reached. it was shock again... there were 2 extremely huge house in front of me. Which one should I go to? turn left, turn right means the one that is higher up? but it seems so high up on the mountain. the one right in front of me is huge and on stilt-like structure and it does not fit the description given by the people in the hut.... grr...
brave, sZe, brave! ok... i will just try to open a door.. any door.. but sharks! why are there no doors??... piangz... and the door-look-alike... walao... so dirty.. does not seem like a door to a restaurant/cook house loh...
hey! i heard someone talking. i went to the side of the building and saw a girl on her hp. i asked for help (in limited malay again). she led me to a door and opened it. i looked into. gosh! why is it like a slum? the sleeping platforms were packed closely together and a few guys popped out their heads. i tried to converse...urgh... the girl called someone on the phone to ask for help.
"does anyone here speak english??" i was anxious and desperate.
and HE spoke! haha... an old man with long locks of hair... looks like a sailor who have been sailing for sometime.. hehe... yeah! the girl would being me there!
she brought me to the back of the building. i felt uneasy. i saw some caucasians.. i spoke to them but they didn't reply me. idiots. and one of them is in undies.
as she opened the door, i saw audrey, jac and sydney sitting at the dining table. Tears almost rolled down my eyes... like as though.. i have been in search and i finally found it! yeah.. hehe... audrey came to me and the only words i said was "i'm so tired!"... almost felt like collapsing.
as i sat at the dining table.. i had no appetite. i just needed to rest and rest. i asked audrey to go find the rest. i think i had a shock. haha... the maggi tasted horrible. fried rice tasted better. i talked and talked; needed to download. keke... syn, jac n i was discussing that we will not be going to the summit the very next day.. we needed to wake up at 1.30am!
i was not prepared. physically and mentally. was definitely not in a condition to decide.
an hour later, the rest arrived. yeah!!! both of them were disraughted(not sure how to spell) in very bad condition lah.. kept messaging them to assure them.
after the dinner, we adjourned back to our rest house. directions say left to panar rata. ok, left then. shacks! its not left.. that was the route to the summit. u-turn. heard grumbles... went back to cook house for directions. phew! met william, he guided us.
shock again! we had to climb a slope to get to the resthouse with the help of a rope.. i heard my mates cursing and swearing.. haha.. now to think of it.. it's funny. it was a short climb. ok. reached. phew.
..to be continued...
day 1
- met at maris stella pri gate, waited for long time for transport and when it finally arrived, the drivers said that they were waiting at the wrong side of the school, luckily they past by the road that we were at. then next the long queue at causeway of cos! hehe..
by the time we reached senai airport in m'sia... and transport to lodging.. dinner... it was already close to midnight and hence, it was time to turn in! but gosh... i was so excited that i could not really sleep.. think only slept for 3 hours.. (oh yes! forgot to mentioned that my luggage weighed the most! 13kg..keke...)
day 2
- on the way to base of mt k where we would start our climbing! rm3 walking stick; contemplated to buy.. end up? didn't buy; wanted to test my own fitness..
the walk was really senic! nice flora.. nice waterfall (2 of them)... nice weather... we climb and enjoyed the view. we have taken the mesilau trail which enlun's friend said is merciless lau tui... was wondering why he said that. it trail stretches to the west; meet a a junction with the tempihon trail and then we have to head northwards to the resthouse at laban rata. often, i asked the guide, benjon, "are we reaching?"... and he had the same expression - smile and said,"don't ask.." i could not really comprehend what he meant at that time..
it was a long climb.. we never really seem to be nearing laban rata.. everytime i asked "where are we?", i get the reply that there are more than half the journey and the entire journey is 8km!... Nevertheless, I tried to perk the group up (that includes me!) by singing and also... encouraging them that we are approaching.. =D
carol was too tired to carry her bag, she rested as we go along. many were complaining already... oops
there came a point of time when benjon said that audrey had to hit laban rata first cos the restaurant closes at 7.30pm. We were supposed to reach at 4.30pm.. but we didnt really seem to be able to reach there on time. Audrey went and of cos, me too! We had a task-to reach laban rata to order dinner for the rest. We climbed and climbed. and gosh... it started to rain! (regret taking out the rain coat when there was a passing cloud) it was so cold and we were all tired. we walked and climbed fast with all our might and we found a hut! yeah.. hurried to wear more clothings.. and i was stuffing myself with bread and fed the rest so that we would be warm. sydney started shivering and i gave her my chillis thermal. wrapped jac up in the poncho bought only the night before (thank God they bought it!) mk caught up.. the rest too..
We decided that we need to continue. I was first, then audrey took over, then syndey came along, then jac caught up too! gradually, i became more exhausted... the water that seeped into my hiking boots made the climb even more uncomfortable. eventually, i was on my fours... sobz.. started with only 2 while the rest have 3.. now i have to be on fours.. haha... the rain was heavily then before and i prayed to God for the rain to stop. It did! but not for long.. the drizzle came on again.. it was God's plan.. cos that made me carry on and not stop. =D
the path was rockier and steeper than before. my fingers were numbed from the climb and the coldness.. gosh.. the night was crawled in and the road in front of me was dim. when am i going to reach? i can't seem to see my destination... i thought i hear people talking..hmm.. maybe hallucination.
there was a moment! i saw light! it was small but i saw it! yeah! i should have reached. but wait.. why is the light so tiny? oh.. never mind... it is a light, alright! i bucked up my courage and climbed harder. stopping every few steps to pant and grasp for air. I was happy that I was approaching the source of light.
When I reached, I was happy that I see people but I was dismayed too-cos it was merely a hut which does not look like the place that we were supposed to stay. with my limited malay, i tried to converse with the locals. orang tiga, pergi atas? and the reply was lengthy and sounded profound. i waved and said never mind. I needed some rest. pergi how many minute? jalan kiri, kanna pusing.. 5 mins they said! well.. in my mind - i knew that it should be more than that. hehe... alright, i didn't want to wait and i shall go for it! i said terima kersih and i turned and walked towards the back of the hut. I stopped. It was total darkness. I turned back to the hut. lampu lampu.. haha... i needed light. Thank God that I have carried it in my bag, instead of leaving it with the guide/porter, benjon (to think that we have combined our load to 18kg)...
with hope, i climbed, i would be happy to find the 3 of them. when i finally reached. it was shock again... there were 2 extremely huge house in front of me. Which one should I go to? turn left, turn right means the one that is higher up? but it seems so high up on the mountain. the one right in front of me is huge and on stilt-like structure and it does not fit the description given by the people in the hut.... grr...
brave, sZe, brave! ok... i will just try to open a door.. any door.. but sharks! why are there no doors??... piangz... and the door-look-alike... walao... so dirty.. does not seem like a door to a restaurant/cook house loh...
hey! i heard someone talking. i went to the side of the building and saw a girl on her hp. i asked for help (in limited malay again). she led me to a door and opened it. i looked into. gosh! why is it like a slum? the sleeping platforms were packed closely together and a few guys popped out their heads. i tried to converse...urgh... the girl called someone on the phone to ask for help.
"does anyone here speak english??" i was anxious and desperate.
and HE spoke! haha... an old man with long locks of hair... looks like a sailor who have been sailing for sometime.. hehe... yeah! the girl would being me there!
she brought me to the back of the building. i felt uneasy. i saw some caucasians.. i spoke to them but they didn't reply me. idiots. and one of them is in undies.
as she opened the door, i saw audrey, jac and sydney sitting at the dining table. Tears almost rolled down my eyes... like as though.. i have been in search and i finally found it! yeah.. hehe... audrey came to me and the only words i said was "i'm so tired!"... almost felt like collapsing.
as i sat at the dining table.. i had no appetite. i just needed to rest and rest. i asked audrey to go find the rest. i think i had a shock. haha... the maggi tasted horrible. fried rice tasted better. i talked and talked; needed to download. keke... syn, jac n i was discussing that we will not be going to the summit the very next day.. we needed to wake up at 1.30am!
i was not prepared. physically and mentally. was definitely not in a condition to decide.
an hour later, the rest arrived. yeah!!! both of them were disraughted(not sure how to spell) in very bad condition lah.. kept messaging them to assure them.
after the dinner, we adjourned back to our rest house. directions say left to panar rata. ok, left then. shacks! its not left.. that was the route to the summit. u-turn. heard grumbles... went back to cook house for directions. phew! met william, he guided us.
shock again! we had to climb a slope to get to the resthouse with the help of a rope.. i heard my mates cursing and swearing.. haha.. now to think of it.. it's funny. it was a short climb. ok. reached. phew.
..to be continued...
I'm feeling GREAT!!!!!!!
yeah.. yeah.. that's the way baby.. i'm feeling good..
must be the mount k. trip.. getting to know more about the mountains.. getting to know more about the world.. followed by more sleep... plus more sleep... plus hornets gathering.. add swimming.. add jogging 1 hour with ping... chat with ting... chat w sidah n rosdi n diya(yeah! she talks with her grin and her eyes!).. add friends... add wakeboarding... add more certainty in resignation!...
wahaha... i feel like queen now... yes ah! feel like a bird though i have not left the cage... hehe...
oh! must thank gayathri also.. u rocks girl.. the right things to tell me.. at the right time.. through the right means.. though i might suck a little to do the vice versa.. pardon me yeah?
must be the mount k. trip.. getting to know more about the mountains.. getting to know more about the world.. followed by more sleep... plus more sleep... plus hornets gathering.. add swimming.. add jogging 1 hour with ping... chat with ting... chat w sidah n rosdi n diya(yeah! she talks with her grin and her eyes!).. add friends... add wakeboarding... add more certainty in resignation!...
wahaha... i feel like queen now... yes ah! feel like a bird though i have not left the cage... hehe...
oh! must thank gayathri also.. u rocks girl.. the right things to tell me.. at the right time.. through the right means.. though i might suck a little to do the vice versa.. pardon me yeah?
Friday, June 6, 2008
Jitters?
sigh... my mood is like a roller coaster... one moment i'm ok, the other moment i'm not. no wonder it is so difficult for my partner or anyone else to be with me...
but i have to say this.. i can't help it! let it be excuse or what... i just can't help it... sigh
would someone else react like me if given the same situation?
i am ready, but i am not ready
i am anxious, but i am not anxious
i am excited, but i am not excited
shall i or shall i not?
come what may i might be saying, but is this just masking again? i hate going back to my past and i hate masking... i want to be brave to face the world,but i kept going back to my old self of hiding... avoiding...
i want to be who i am.. but who am i?
"if you do not know where you are, you do not know who you are"
who am i? where am i?
but i have to say this.. i can't help it! let it be excuse or what... i just can't help it... sigh
would someone else react like me if given the same situation?
i am ready, but i am not ready
i am anxious, but i am not anxious
i am excited, but i am not excited
shall i or shall i not?
come what may i might be saying, but is this just masking again? i hate going back to my past and i hate masking... i want to be brave to face the world,but i kept going back to my old self of hiding... avoiding...
i want to be who i am.. but who am i?
"if you do not know where you are, you do not know who you are"
who am i? where am i?
Old blog
UPSET, ANGRY, DISAPPOINTED and DEPRESSED
PART 1(in the general office)
A: "Mdm XX, the sec 1 math classes have not completed the painting of the courts and there is a need for relief"
B: "so you do mutual swop or i do?"
A: "yesterday, my HOD did the relief planning for us"
B: "ok"
Part 2(still in the general office)
B: "by the way, what time was the classes dismissed yesterday?"
A: "oh, other classes was dismissed at 1.45pm (once school is over) but i dismissed my class later cos we were trying to complete the painting."
B: "the kids did not turn up for my musical"
A: "oh, i dismiss the kids who told me that they have to go for melacca trip briefing but no kids come to me to tell me that they have muscial"
B: *sulky face and face down throughout 2nd part of conversation*
Part 3(at the side of the assembly ground when principal is talking)
B: "the paint that you used is oil-based and you need to brief the kids that they should not pour the paint into the sink; the poor cleaner was trying to clean up the mess"
A: "yes, i am aware of it; i will get the kids to clean up after the project"
B: "you need to brief the kids properly about handling the paint; else other people thought that it is me (art department) who made the mess"
A: "ok, i will tell the kids"
Part 4(in the staff lounge)
B: "HOD A, HOD B..."
A: *I continued eating my food since I should not be part of the conversation*
B: "HOD Math, can I have your class allocation of your math teachers?"
C: "Oh, it is not confirmed yet"
B: "Oh, then ask those who is not confirmed to confirm lah"
A: *I continued to eat*
B: "Haha... she can still pretend that she does not know that we are talking about her"
Posted at 5:50 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
forgot to add this episode
C: "ah nya! we wrote the relief needed on the board leh."
B: "oh, is it? oh, sorry loh, wrongly scold you"
A: *I continue to suck thumb and cry in my heart* - bloody bitch, bad mood don't vent on me. i dont owe u anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted at 6:28 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Life as a teacher...
As I was talking to Ms Wee and wanted to find out more about teaching in my alma mata, i found out a few things...
1) She is of the same age as my mother! rabbit year too!!...
2) She have the same sentiments as me with regards to life as a teacher...
3) She shared the same process as me...
4) She care as much as I do for the society and the children...
5) She as sincere and straightforward as me...
The only differences are...
1) She has taught for decades..
2) She is retiring in 3 years' time..
3) She endures all the changes in moe system, school system, advances in technologies, advances and changes in teaching pedagogies, changes in society's expectation of teachers' role in the society...
girl... is it a shame that you have burn yourself out just in 3 years of service? (alright.. 6 years like you always mention... 1 year contract, 2 years nie, 3 years full-fledged teacher...)moving on... HQ? transfer? POLICE? OBS? no pay leave? resignation? stay in teaching? stay out of teaching and get back when I regain my energy?...LIFE!!!
Posted at 7:19 AM 0 comments
Friday, May 16, 2008
HE is coming back!
yeah!!!... HE will be back next friday... but wait!.. idiot.. leave me alone in s'pore for 40 days.. hng.. wanna hammer him..sigh... it's really not easy without him. in the 1st 2 weeks, i was nagging at him when he called me cos i think its gonna cost a bomb. however, when he left for the mountain expedition and did not call me... i was frantic! i tried to go back to my usual self... packing my diary with lots of activities.. so much so that i won't have to think of him... but finally, i still have to break down to clear those frustration.. sigh.. too much to think about sometimes...like wat peng said "huh? relax... you also have to hink of how? just relax lah.."haha... when is this pessimistic girl turning to her old optismistic girl? let's hope, wish and pray together..
Posted at 11:59 PM 0 comments
Thursday, May 1, 2008
At the edge of the world
This photo is taken in Cameron Highlands where HE and I went into the misty forest and found this huge, overhanging branch of a tree. Though it is a branch, a part of the tree, it could withhold our weight! I hope this could translate to our relationship... Sometimes, it seems so fragile... However, it could be very STRONG!...
Posted at 1:32 AM 0 comments
HE and me
since 01 09 2007...
wish and hope that it will be forever...
Posted at 1:15 AM 0 comments
blog?
blogging time???... don't even write in my diary often.. haha... well... try lah
Posted at 12:57 AM 0 comments
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